An Open Letter to Steve Addazio: My Final Discussion of Him

I cannot blame Ryan in any way for not giving me a spot to team up with him earlier when Steve Addazio was still bumbling his way around at Florida. It was a complicated deal that I’m not going into.

But now that I am working with him, and since I’ve gotten a dozen or so emails in the last week regarding my thoughts on him, I’m going to put up one- and only one- post regarding him. It’s kind of beating a dead horse, so this is the only time I’ll do it.

Plus, if not for Addazio, I’d probably never be a writer (as you can tell from my bio).

Anyway here goes:

Dear Steve,

Congratulations!!! You’ve successfully wrecked the 2010 Florida season!!!

You’ve also been successful in causing Urban Meyer heart issues from watching you “leading” the “offense”!!!

Wait, what offense?

The one whose average scoring drive against an inept Penn State defense was a paltry 9 yards?

The one that accumulated a whopping 26 yards through three quarters against Miami Ohio?

The one that generated a combined three touchdowns in its five losses (all other scores were drives of 25 yards or less)?

Or the one whose leading receiver in the Outback Bowl was Ahmad Black, with two catches for 129 yards?

Yeah, sadly, that’s considered an offense. Some messed up world we live in, huh?

Your playcalling was an insult to the knowledge of college football fans, and downright dangerous for the players- that’s how Demps hurt his foot, by running dives all day against Tennessee.

In fact, my 3 year old niece could call a more effective game by randomly picking plays out of a hat.

Somebody at the Temple athletic offense should just buy you a PlayStation3 with Madden 2011, so you can ask Madden for all the plays.

OK, so I haven’t gone into football details yet. I know. But I’m not sure you’d understand them. For instance, I’m not sure you even know what a vertical pass is.

Oh, my bad, you most certainly do.

A vertical pass is any ball thrown 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage to a 150 lb receiver on third down and 25.

Never mind with explaining anything to you- you just don’t listen. I’ve calmly explained your mistakes and what to do instead on my old bleacherreport account, to no avail. I even created a second bleacherreport account and ripped on you there, thinking that you might take the hint and realize that it wasn’t just one Florida fan who hated you, it was a lot more.

So going into detail with you is clearly pointless.

You are hopeless.

Urban Meyer knows it, Jeremy Foley knows it, Dan Mullen knows it, incoming recruits know it, and even that inbred dunce Jimbo Fisher knows it.

The only people that don’t know it are the athletic people at Temple, and you.

Or maybe you do, but you’re too selfish to realize it.

Most importantly (and embarrassingly), Dan Mullen not only knows it, but tormented and disrespected Florida with it.

He knew what an offensive idiot you were and called just a single pass play the whole second half, challenging you to score ten measly points.

What did you do, Steve?

Did you rise to the challenge, realize that Mississippi State wasn’t going to score again, and actually try something creative?

No. You laid an egg.

That game made me seriously wonder if you called plays with the Magic 8 Ball Nicki Meyer gave you for Christmas four years ago.

It also made me wonder if Meyer would throw you out of a window, or if fans would beat him to it and lynch you.

Another thing that made me want to kill you was your mismanagement and/or benching of our best players. Chris Rainey I understand, because, well, we all know why. He was suspended, and rightfully so.

But what about Jeff Demps? He was nicked, sure, but if you’re going to play him, don’t just put him in and have him block- that carries more injury risk than running.

By the way, since I’m on the subject, your blocking schemes were atrocious. You had Jeff Demps blocking Terrence Cody in the 2009 SEC Championship game. That’s like asking a 12 year old girl to guard Shaq.

Anyway, Chris Dunkley, Frankie Hammond, Omarious Hines, Justin Williams, Gerald Christian, Andre Debose, Mack Brown, and Mike Gillislee all saw either limited or no action.

Instead, you ran Emmanuel Moody 30 times a game, and backed him up Demps- up the middle of course. Never mind the fact that somebody could weigh him on the 3 inch by 4 inch scale my physics teacher uses to weigh legos, corks, and most recently, marshmallows.

Andre Debose might have been the next Percy Harvin this year. But who knows? Not us- and we could have if you’d only listened to the fans calling for him to touch the ball. He was dynamite on kick returns, taking two to the house and narrowly missing on a third.

Why the hell did he not get more touches on offense?

Why was Hines running 2 yard hitches while Carl Moore was going “deep” (meaning 15 yards)?

Why was Thompson running 5 yard out patterns?

Why was Brantley running options?

Hey, here’s a better question:

Why bother asking this?

You’re too dumb and stubborn to realize it. The sad thing is, you probably are patting yourself on the back right now thinking that you did a fantastic job.

But Indiana fans and Florida fans know better.

At Indiana, you went 7-28 as a playcaller. Your offense was an average of 99th in the country out of (then) 115 teams for those three years (2002-04).

At Florida… nahh, I don’t think so, I’ve already tormented you guys enough with the memories.

So goodbye, Steve. Peace out, and don’t ever come back unless you’re paying Jeremy Foley the SEC and BCS Championship payout from 2009, and at least a Capital One Bowl payout from 2010.

Temple: do you know what time it is?

Time to dive, bitch, you and your new head coach!!!

No, really, it is.

4 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Steve Addazio: My Final Discussion of Him

  1. Neil you are my hero sir! I loved every word. I don’t hate people but I hated Dumbazzio as our OC. Not even Tebow could make that horrible offense work for a full year.

  2. That was great Neil! No one could not have said any better man. Thank god Addazio is finally out of our hair for good!

  3. Sorry Neil, not one of your better commentaries. I’m as glad as the next guy that Steve NoDazzleO is gone but cut the guy some slack. He was certainly inept but he’s gone.Your commentaries in the past have impressed me more with your keen insight rather than hateful slurs and meanigless rhetoric. Stick to the finesse and constructive critisism and let us blogers hurl the slurs. I imagine you are just depressed that it is 3 long months to the spring game.

  4. Like I said, I know it was beating a dead horse but my email inbox was flooded with requests to post my opinion on Addazio here. Also, like I said, it’s a one time thing, there’s no need to do it anymore. The only way I’ll ever talk about him again is if I’m doing an article regarding the “Urban Meyer coaching tree” or something like that.

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