FSU Loyals Video Proves Why Florida Is… Just Better… At Everything

I’m sure by now, most of you have seen this horrific attempt at a response to a Florida fan’s “Seminole” video, a bit that, I thought, was a failed, yet valiant attempt at humor at FSU’s expense as well as an attempt to fulfill college football diehards’ dream and play out the rivalry 365 days a year. If you haven’t seen the God awful response (and part of why I waited a full week to write this was to make sure that everybody did see it), well, here it is.

I’m also sure that I can’t be the only one who paused the video at around 1:41 and said aloud to myself, “did I just hear that right?” After rewinding the video and listening not once, but twice more, I concluded that yes, the guy did indeed belt out the following line:

“Pulitzers, Nobels, FUCK IT even Ted Bundy, we don’t care.”

Now let’s give that quote some context. The line before was “Now take the Role life”, (which I think was supposed to be either Nole life or Royal life, but sounded like Role so I can’t be sure, but in either case) which sounded like it was hinting that the next few lines would be listing things that FSU fans are proud of. And indeed, that’s what the next few lines were:

“Bobby Bowden Doak Campbell, all that garnet’s holy, Pulitzers, Nobels, FUCK IT even Ted Bundy, we don’t care.”

That was the easily the most thoughtless and downright stupid line in a video filled with them, as “holy” and “Bundy” not only don’t rhyme, they’re not even close to rhyming, and making such a reference about Bundy is appalling when he was only slightly better of a person than Adolf Hitler. That little failed attempt at a rhyme strongly suggests that this guy was looking for best way to give one of the nation’s most brutal serial killers a shoutout in his video, and this was the closest thing to a rhyme he could come up with and smoothest way to work him into the song. And the lyrics were only part of the problem; the guy isn’t exactly an American Idol winner, his rhythm is way off and the logos on the chalkboard behind him look like a kindergarten art project. At least Kira Silverman, star of the “Seminoles” video, put some thought and effort into her video. It’s clear that Michael Head, the genius behind the “FSU Loyals” response video, put no thought into his, and the only effort exerted was to try to piss people off.

And boy, did he succeed.

Unfortunately, he pissed off the wrong people- his own fans.

Within hours of this video’s upload, FSU fans everywhere began to publicly disassociate from him. That’s right, the same fanbase he intended to become a hero in… shunned his video instead, and him, and in fact couldn’t believe that he was actually an FSU fan. I don’t blame them. This video has so many things wrong with it that I couldn’t even cram all my thoughts into a Harry Potter novel.

But above all else, it was this particular exchange in the comments section (that began with Oz1976 calling Michael Head out- redacted) that made me nearly hit my girlfriend when throwing my hands up in disgust:

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I’m not going to make personal attacks on the guy, mainly because most FSU fans are doing that anyway, but also because that’s not the point of this article. The point of this article is that this video is solid proof that… Florida is just better than FSU. I don’t need to set parameters for that statement, because this video defies them. Florida is simply better than Florida State.

I’m not just talking about football (all time record: Florida 34, FSU 22, and three national championships apiece) or basketball (all time record: Florida 43, FSU 22, and Florida has two national championships and five Final Fours to FSU’s zero and one, respectively) or even baseball (a push historically with no national championships between the two schools, though UF has dominated the head to head recently by sweeping the 2014 season series). I’m not even talking about appearance, as both schools have their bad fans who do stuff to hurt their school’s reputation, but FSU’s the only one with a ridiculous logo that’s comparable to what you’d see on a 12 year old girl’s face if she were to get stabbed (and that’s among the more generous descriptions of this new logo out there).

No, I’m talking about the mindset of both teams’ fan bases. In a year in which Florida State won a national championship, a Seminole fan was so irritated by a stupid video from a Florida fan that he felt the need to take it upon himself to make his own video in response. Shouldn’t FSU’s results speak for themselves? Wouldn’t a simple troll-y “37-7 and national champions” comment on her original video have sufficed to quench your troll-ish thirst? For the love of all things holy, even a profane personal attack against her as a comment on her video… while certainly not good… would be better, or, I guess I should say, less bad than bragging about how Ted Bundy chose Tallahassee as his next city to continue his disgusting rampage.

Is it fair to say that the Gators are in the Seminoles’ heads 24/7, 365, no matter how much better FSU appears to be at the moment? (Note- I’m playing FSU’s game for that last sentence and pretending that football is the only sport that matters.)

Let’s pause to once again put this in perspective. As a Florida fan, the following facts are irritating, but they do exist. Florida State bludgeoned Florida this year in the Swamp, 37-7, on its way to a national championship. Florida lost eight games, including one to a team from a lower level of college football, in its worst season since my parents were in college.

Yet this FSU fan was so bothered by a dumb but harmless video… which came during a time of (vomit) FSU dominance over Florida (vomit again)… that he touched all of the above bases in a response video, which takes a hell of a lot more time to do than write a simple comment. And while this guy certainly isn’t representative of the collective FSU fan base, he’s now given FSU fans a very, very bad name.

Having said ALL of that, though, maybe I’m not so surprised after all. Isn’t the little brother supposed to be immature?

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