Memo To NCAA Officials: You’re Sick People

This doesn’t directly relate to the Gators, but it’s an issue that has spiraled out of control and nobody seems to be doing anything to stop it.

College sports is great fun for fans, players and coaches. Football is the engine that drives the train that is college athletics, and is THE glamor sport. Only March Madness even comes close to generating the buzz that an average football game does, and that’s because it’s a huge tournament.

Basically, once somebody gets hooked on college football, they’re diehard fans for life. It’s some of the most fun kids will ever have in college. The combination of high stakes, big following and good competition is irresistable to anybody with the talent to play it.

So why do officials have to ruin it?

I’m not talking about referees, I’m talking about the so called people that are really nothing more than jackals who walk on two legs who have nothing better to do than ruin what people love the best by making up ridiculous rules. I won’t say it’s the Nazi Party coming out all over again, because it is just football, but doesn’t it just seem all to familiar? Restrictions gradually build to turn what was once heaven on earth for fans, players and coaches into a dictatorship.

The whole conference realignment deal is just what Joey Vizzi said it was: a big, greedy mess. Schools competing for spots in better conferences, even if they make no geographical sense whatsoever (Boise State playing South Florida every year in the Big Least, for example) is such a colossal waste of time it’s funny to watch. While this doesn’t directly tie into the NCAA rulemakers, it may have inspired them.

Because these morons that make up the NCAA constitution are doing their very best to ruin the fun of college football. There are enough tools in a single NCAA office to build a new Rose Bowl Stadium (the old one really needs either major renovations or to be taken down for a new one, as I was there for the 2002 BCS Championship when Miami crushed Nebraska and it appeared really old even then. But that’s not the point).

All these sick people do is create rules that take all the fun out of the game. Eliminating touchdown celebrations is absurd. I’m a year younger than the youngest college football player, and each time I score in a pickup football game I feel the urge to do a little dance, or Gator Chomp, or even spike the ball. The adrenaline I feel after a touchdown can’t feel much different than it would feel for Tim Tebow if he scored in s random pickup game. That’s in a pickup game, remember.

Now take that feeling and multiply it by a few times over, with the added excitement of scoring a crucial touchdown in a crucial moment of a crucial game. It’s so hard for a kid between age 18 and 22 NOT to do even the most innocuous celebration in this situation. Why ruin it? As long as he’s not running up to an opponent and jawing in his face, why take away his moment of glory?

The 15 yard penalty the NCAA enforced up until the 2011 season was bad enough. It forced the scoring team to kick off from its own 15 yard line which often granted the opponent a great chance to score. Even worse, now the 15 yard penalty is enforced from the spot of the taunt.

Do you really think that this should cause a team to lose a touchdown and 25 yards?

Do you really think that this should be a 15 yard penalty and directly cause the team to lose the game?

Come on, man. Let the kids play.

What’s wrong with wearing eyeblack? It’s the most innocent way of putting a message out to somebody watching the game. Unless it’s obscene, why ban it? Silly me, I forgot, because players liked doing it and never abused the privilege. The NCAA banned it right after Tim Tebow left for the NFL. Good thing, because had they done it before, an angry mob of Gator fans would have righteously bombed the NCAA headquarters.

Fining a school because their students run onto the field or court following a huge win? The SEC fined the University of Kentucky $50,000 for allowing their students to revel in the gigantic win over Tennessee last weekend. It was the seventh time UK has been fined for that, the last time being after Kentucky upset South Carolina last year. Last I checked, the football stadium is part of campus property, and students have every right to be on it while a game is not in progress.

I really want to know: what is wrong with these people? Did you not have happy childhoods? Are you envious of kids having joy after a big moment? Do you have nothing better to do with your lives than ruin other peoples’?

I’m going to give you sick people honest advice: if you’re not too old, get an education and a job. Do something with your lives. Destroying college kids’ pleasure is one of the worst crimes you could commit aside from murder. You’re stealing their happiness. I’m going to be a college student next year, and I intend to have a great time. I don’t intend to let the pseudointellectuals that sit in NCAA offices all day and dream up new idiocy and then put it on paper ruin my college life.

College kids are still kids. They need to enjoy their lives when they can. College classes require lots of work, and when the kids aren’t killing themselves studying for exams, they need to enjoy themselves. Sure, college parties are awesome, but that’s not enough. The kids need to have their moment in the sun after doing something huge for their school’s football (or any) team.

I understand that you guys don’t know what it’s like, since you guys shied away from all social activity possible in life. You don’t know what unity is, and how great it feels to celebrate your school’s big win. I get that. But just because your parents didn’t love you when you were children doesn’t give you the excuse to directly alter a football game with insane penalty rules for celebrations, or ban players from wearing eyeblack, or fine a school a hefty sum of money for daring to allow their students to swarm the field in one happy party.

You say it’s unprofessional. Guess what? They’re not professionals and never claimed to be. They’re college kids, and please let them enjoy their fun while they still can. Soon, they’ll be out in the real world and won’t be able to experience this kind of thing.

Go ahead and throw the flag on me or anybody else who has called you out for your disgraceful whittling away of the fun of college football. I couldn’t care less what you brainless baboons dream up in response to criticism of your blatant lunacy.

I do care, however, that you are ruining college football.

Stop it!!!

Oh and while I’m at it, put a playoff system in!!!

3 thoughts on “Memo To NCAA Officials: You’re Sick People

  1. Neil this is your best article to date, I agree with you on every word. Those NCAA douchebags need to crawl under a rock and never come out. What we need to do in college is have 4 divsions…. North, South, East, and West and get rid of the NCAA. They cant even handle small task like giving out fair sancations across the board. If FIU did what USC did they would have almost gotten the “Death Penalty.” The NCAA is the biggest joke in sports and I just find it amazing that this shame has been able to go on for this long.

  2. Neil this is your best article to date, I agree with you on every word. Those NCAA douchebags need to crawl under a rock and never come out. What we need to do in college is have 4 divsions…. North, South, East, and West and get rid of the NCAA. They cant even handle small task like giving out fair sancations across the board. If FIU did what USC did they would have almost gotten the “Death Penalty.” The NCAA is the biggest joke in sports and I just find it amazing that this shame has been able to go on for this long.

  3. Thanks. The NCAA should shut down completely and rebuild itself all over again… perhaps with people instead of mentally retarded chimpanzees?

Comments are closed.