Beautiful day in the neighborhood, huh?
Apparently, yesterday wasn’t Monday like I thought it was. How silly of me. Rather, it’s Gator Secondary Do Something Stupid Day.
We know about Janoris Jenkins getting caught with pot.
How about Will Hill being caught up with and asked about his profane and downright idiotic twitter posts throughout the year?
Well, he did deny it, but then he said that a blogger hacked his site and did that.
That’s the best story you can come up with?
A blogger did that?
Right, because bloggers have free schedules 24/7 and have nothing better to do than kill dozens if not hundreds of possibly productive hours and try to figure out his password to gain access to his twitter.
Come on, dude.
That’s probably even dumber than your decision to enter the Draft.
Warning: some of the posts (in fact, most of them) are extremely inappropriate, but if you doubt the validity of them, try typing some of them into a trusted search engine.
Anyway, here are his twitter posts copied verbatim:
“Its 636 in the morning and I hear a f*ckin knock at my door I’m like who the f*ck is this come to find out its my first f*ck of the day sour”
That’s hilarious. It really is. All I can say is that if you ever, EVER dare to knock on Will Hill’s door, you better have real double D’s and a backup condom in your pocket and be ready for the most intense session of your life.
“Worse food give to us by the university of florida smh”
I just hope that smh doesn’t stand for see my habitualwhininess. Because trust me, everybody does. But you’re most certainly right, the food at UF is horrible. Nothing is too good for you. Ask Coach Muschamp to order a pizza a day for you, so you can get fat and sit on the couch all day watching cartoons. I know you’d love that lifestyle, because it’s perfect for you. You’re not going anywhere in the pros anyway unless you commit yourself to working as hard as you possibly can to make up for all the time you goofed off. Plus, cartoons are made from children between ages 2 and Will Hill.
“Blowin on that sour wit mommy in the passenger givin me head”
That’s just wrong. Better clean that sour (some say it’s a reference to marijuana) out before the Draft. More importantly, though, I really, REALLY hope that last part is not meant literally. Take that incest with you to Athens.
“My tutor definitely smokes bud keep talking about and reggae”
Your tutor? Was Steve Addazio your tutor? Because with the way he called plays last year, he was almost certainly high. Beg your pardon Gator fans, he wasn’t a moron, he was a pothead.
“How the f*ck a baby fracture its arm”
Uh… maybe because that’s the way you were created??? Last I checked, and correct me if I’m wrong, human beings are mortal. It’s physics, pal, it’s just the way things work. But again, you’re not human. You’re a god, and 100% immortal. Nothing hurts or kills you.
“He a nasty motherf*cker in front of everybody in cox”
This referred to a picture of a guy pulling his pants up. Great observation, Will!!!
“Getting a massage by a pr chick and a black chick same time feels amazing”
PR Chick. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHH. That must feel gooooooooood. Especially if PR stands for Public Relations. If it stands for Peurto Ricans, however, I’m sorry Will, but… just forget it.
“Its funny as hell when a n*gga pay a prostitue for sex and she give him the money back”
You’re right. It is funny. Actually, it’s almost as funny as the fact that you think you’re suddenly Tucker Max. Yeah, you’re the ladies’ man, the star of the Gators. It must be easy pickings for you in a bar. Hey, baby, I’m Will Hill. I star for Florida. What you say, baby? Who’s Tim Tebow? Oh, he’s just some guy who wore #15 and has his name in the Swamp for winning the Heisman. Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah, he’s alright.
“N*gga I go harder than a Russian”
That is extremely offensive to Russians. If any Russian commits suicide upon hearing this, then your name will become #1 on FBI’s Most Wanted List. You put in about as much effort as a slug. If Charlie Strong and Teryl Austin had been as incompetent as Steve Addazio at developing players, the entire defense would all be just like you. I was once proud when I learned that you’d be representing my county at UF. Now, I’m disgusted to have been born in the same state as you.
“Morning america day already starting of crazy chick just offered me some *ss if I massage her left breast smh lmsgao”
Awesome. Great story. What’s next, that girl just worked out for Charlie Weis and now she’s in the running for starting QB? You deserve the Pulitzer Prize for that great piece of fiction. No self respecting girl will want anything to do with you, let alone allow you to feel her up. Then again, that girl was crazy, and thus not qualifying as self respecting. But knowing how much some people hate him for so underperforming, I wouldn’t have been surprised if that girl’s boob was fake and loaded with TNT and went off as he massaged it.
“Taking a sh*t in the airport”
Raise your hand if you don’t care. Now put them down if you’re at a public computer because everybody around you is wondering what’s wrong with you. But the Gators really got more than they bargained for when Hill signed. They got a safety, and person who isn’t afraid to use public restrooms. That’s a talent that is absolutely ESSENTIAL for recruits to have. It actually raises the player’s rating a full star. Urban Meyer recently slipped a note under Will Muschamp’s door telling him that when he goes on recruiting trips, to ask the kid if he’s willing to take #2’s in airports.
“I need a b*tch wit some fire head come thru suck me off and dnt let no nut hit the bed straight swallow… Sour.”
Like I’ve said before, you’re an absolute p*ssy magnet. EVERYBODY wants you. All the girls made deals with their phone providers to send them text messages whenever you feel ready for some action. In fact, they’ve set it up so that you get two of them, just in case you made the fatal mistake of missing the first one. Quick, all the ladies that don’t have red hair, set your hair on fire and appear at Mr. Hill’s door at once!!! Oh and make sure you haven’t eaten or drank anything all day.
“Chick tryin to swallow some of my kids for fathers day”
Nothing scares Will Hill. He’s not afraid to slam into AJ Green helmet first, he’s not afraid of posting idiotic and profane tweets like this, and he’s not even afraid of those crazy chicks that eat babies!!!