Steve Addazio to Gator Nation 3/15

Hey guys, it’s me again, Addazio!!!

So I see that Charlie Weis has revamped the offense, which was a huge disappointment to me. I had really hoped against hope that Weis would have kept the same dive single option sack punt offense, but it hasn’t happened.

Let me give you a little insight as to what he’s doing. He’s installed Burton as the f-back into the offense. This is just coach speak for he’s going to get lots of carries right up the middle; ie the dive play!!!

But it isn’t going to be used the way I want it to be. Oh, no, instead of being dropped for a 2 yard loss every time, he’s actually supposed to GAIN yardage. That is completely unheard of!!! Who knew that a coach would run dive plays with intent to GAIN yards???

Well, since I’m such a genius, nothing but positively brilliant thoughts go through my mind, so not me.

Next subject: John Brantley. Oh, boy. Much to my dismay, Weis is now telling him to throw the ball to receivers. I was extremely upset with him, as it will ruin his 100% completion percentage he had going with the team bench. It’s almost like a funeral. It’s too sad for me to witness in person, maybe on of you kind souls can- no you can’t. I’ll cry like the bitch you know I am. You wouldn’t want to make a big, tough, stern, Sgt. Slaughter looking guy like me cry, would you?

Now, let’s go to Jordan Reed. This may be the most upsetting of all. I have heard rumors that Jordan Reed is moving to tight end, meaning that he can’t throw the ball (isn’t that right? Isn’t it the QB that throws? Sorry, I don’t know, because all my players were flat on the ground before they could throw, so I have no clue). Anyway, this means that he will no longer be chasing snaps from the guard. Oh, you lost Pouncey, never mind.

Why would you move him to a position that he’s comfortable with? The whole point of offense is to get your punters drafted!!! See, last year it worked to perfection- Chas Henry won the Ray Guy Award!!! Why would you allow him to be comfortable and allow the offense to flow??? The punter will never get any work this way!!!

Next topic. I talked to a couple Georgia fans over the last week, and they wanted to know why I hung 450 yards on them despite my clear inadequacies as a play-caller. The answer is simple. Their defense was terrible. They got no pressure on Brantley, refused to stop the dive play, and just didn’t feel like covering anybody. I was extremely disappointed when Chris Rainey broke through the line on a dive play for a 21 yard TD run early in the second quarter. I knew then that Georgia had lost. I tried giving them a chance by going nowhere in the OT, but the one time I wanted Henry to miss, he nailed the field goal.

On to something else. Let’s discuss strategy- how to beat a blitz. You go 4 wide with a smallish running back next to the QB, and run dive plays. Simple, right?

OK, I have to go teach and preach the dive play to a kindergarten class. Peace out, y’all.

6 thoughts on “Steve Addazio to Gator Nation 3/15

  1. You never cease to amaze me Grandpa, and I mean that. It definitely won’t be same without you.

  2. I vote for a memorial day for Stevie boy here when we next hoist the crystal ball, which shouldn’t be too long from now. I mean that will be the closest he gets to it ha.

  3. We can build a statue for him as well! One where he is watching the Gators lift the Championship Trophy from the bleachers!:)

  4. Definitely. Have to make sure it has his typical dumb as hell facial expression too. If that happens I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the real Steve or the Statue. Neither would really do anything and both have the same I.Q.

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