Steve Addazio to Gator Nation 3/6/11

Tebow turns left on the option, keeps it and he’s gonna walk in!!! TOCUHDOWN TIM TEBOW!!! OH MY!!! Folks, he’s just torched Texas for over 4,000 yards with that run!!! The Owls win the BCS Title on the legs of their 6th year senior QB, Tim Tebow, thanks to the brilliant coaching of AP Coach of the Year Steve Addazio!!!


What the hell? Where am I?

And why are my sheets all wet?

Oh well, that dream gets better every time. At least I got 10 minutes of sleep.

Guys, I’m in a really bad mood today. I couldn’t sleep at all. I tried counting dive plays but even that didn’t work. That was when I knew it would be a long night.

At 3:30 AM, I diagrammed a new play. It’s called the QB throws it to himself for a 10 yard loss. You may remember it from the South Carolina game.

Now, I have just accepted that I cannot go back to sleep. I just came back from a trip to Gainesville, and I spent all night laying awake wondering what the hell happened. You see, the people down there were not very nice to me. They all called me bad words and really hurt my feelings. I started crying, and tried running away. But they were EVERYWHERE!!! I could not escape the Florida fans who upset me!!! It’s so disrespectful!!!

Anyway, I finally arrived in a safe little town. It’s called Tallahassee. Why didn’t the people in Gainesville embrace me like the people in Tally?

But being me, I decided to try going back to Gainesville again. I was run out a second time. This so mystifies me that my stick of celery of a brain is going to explode.

AHHH!!! Anyway, I think it’s time for another strategy lesson.

Today, I will teach you ignorant people how to run a stick pass. Here is what you do. Your QB takes the snap and rolls out, looking for a ref to cry to. Then, the QB has three options: That die hard fan in the first row of the bleachers, the PA announcer or the bench. These three guys have amazing talent. They always bust the coverage and get WIDE OPEN for easy big gainers. The best part: they never get tired, and they get open without using all those silly jukes and route cuts that Percy Harvin used on his way to sucking at Florida. They’ll be open every time.

It’s called a stick because the passes are supposed to be

Why do you need a ref, you might ask?

Because for some reason, the ref is so blinded by my brilliance that he doesn’t know what to do, and rules it incomplete. That is when my QB cries to that ref I mentioned.

It’s so hard to be a coach when nobody appreciates you, you know?

Oh, I forgot: I have latched onto the little mermaid. The movie was great, and it gave me a brilliant inspiration.

When you run the dive play, you have to reach the Sea King’s castle. That is how you know if you ran the dive correctly- there’ll be a sea of bodies on top of you and you cannot see daylight. Corny, I know, but if it will get the point across to my players, then I’m all for it.

Anyway, I’m out… gotta go get drunk so I can be my usual self because I have to call a recruit.

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