The World’s Reactions To Tim Tebow

Tebowmania is crazy. It never ends, and gets stronger and picks up new followers each week.  Then there are the people who knew him for awhile, or got acquainted with him at some point down the road.

Brainless Urlachers’ postgame thoughts on Tebow: “He’s a good running back.” OK, sure. Let’s go with that. Everybody can believe that heading into the game with Tebow. That spurred me to think of what other people would say when asked about Tebow after his most recent miracle.

So here’s what everybody else has to say (note: this is realistic fiction, because I can totally picture these guys saying this about Tebow).

Former Florida Gators and now Ohio State Buckeyes coach Urban Meyer

I’m just real proud of Tim, and what he’s doing, I knew he could do it and I’m so proud of him for saving me while I was taking my nap. It goes to show you, with good coaching he puts up 50 points, and with bad or no coaching he just finds a way to win games.

ESPN Analyst Merril Hoge

I don’t care how much he wins. He needs to get better. Period. He needs better mechanics, or he won’t succeed. Winning isn’t succeeding. Looking good is succeeding. I’d rather he have Tom Brady’s mechanics and go 2-14 than have Tim Tebow flailing wildly and making the playoffs. Looking like a real QB is all that matters, not winning. I refuse to budge.

Former Florida State Seminoles coach Bobby Bowden

The dadgum guy just wins. He must have gotten that from the dadgum garnet paint that was smeared on his jersey in the 2008 game against us. I’m happy for the kid that our end zone paint and winning rubbed off on him, dadgummit.

Rapper Kanye West

(Jumping onstage and grabbing the microphone at the Emmys) Imma let you finish, but first I gotta say Tim Tebow is the best QB of ALL TIME. ALL TIME. All he does is win win win no matter what, got Jesus on his mind, haters never get enough, but all he does is win, win, win, and if haters don’t like that they can go jump off a bridge!

New York Jets coach Rex Ryan

He can’t play. He didn’t do anything so spectacular. If I never give credit to anybody and instead talk trash, why give Tebow anything? Bible Boy can’t do anything right but run for two yards. Now excuse me, I’ve got to go see the doctor about my foot fetish.

Comedian Daniel Tosh

He’s terrible. But what do I know? I’m a comedian, not a football analyst. That’s because my football analysis is so off base, it’s funny. I can admit when I’m wrong. I’m just a little depressed after he owned my Dolphins. That’s all. He’s great. (HE SUCKS.) I don’t know what I’m saying. Maybe I should just stick to comedy.

Alabama Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban

I’d considered asking Roger Goodell to allow the Alabama Crimson Tide into the NFL, since you know, that’s where all my guys wind up anyway. Then I watched Tim Tebow against Chicago. I immediately called up my boss and told him forget it. The guy’s won 6 straight games, he’s pissed off, and he’s pissed off at MY TEAM. That’s a bad combination. Forget it. Not happening.

Temple Owls coach Steve Addazio

Dive dive dive dive dive dive… what? Dude, I’m on a recruiting trip. I’ve got these twins, nationally ranked 9th grade swimmers, who could really help my dive program. Their names are Ashley and Sarah and they are both interested in diving (into brick walls, but I haven’t told them that yet, that’s a surprise for later) for four years. And you want me to comment on Tebow? OK, fine. He’s doing OK, but he’d be better if he just ran the dive more. OK? Happy now?

Baylor Bears QB Robert Griffin III

Well, I guess I’ve got to throw out the Broncos gear John Elway secretly sent me.

Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton

He may be able to run with and throw the pigskin well against big, nasty defenses like the best of them, but can he run with and throw the laptop against big, nasty security guards like the best of them- like me?

ESPN Analyst Mel Kiper

Whatever, I don’t care anymore. ESPN just paid me to bash him for an offseason, and that offseason is over. Onto doing research on how Andrew Luck will be a bigger bust than JaMarcus Russell.

Kansas coach Charlie Weis

Ehhh… he doesn’t eat enough cheeseburgers for me to invest in him.

There was one person, on the other hand, that didn’t completely smash Tebow’s name. In fact, he praised Tebow. He gave the impression it was an honor to watch him playHe seems to know a fair bit about the game, based on his past credentials and resume. He may not be able to pull out ridiculous comebacks week in and week out like Tebow, but he’s one of the game’s greatest of all time: New England Patriots QB Tom Brady.

7 thoughts on “The World’s Reactions To Tim Tebow

  1. “Onto doing research on how Andrew Luck will be a bigger bust than JaMarcus Russell.”

    It’s this kind of hyperbole, joking or not, that hurts one’s credibility.

    FYI Kanye West would be more apt to cry racism and complain about Vince Young’s treatment, even though it is similar.

    Also of note, Meyer’s actual statement, on the surface, appears to have a double double meaning.

    One meaning falling on the side of Tebow possibly not being able to sustain it.

    Also, the other meaning is a little more revealing >

    Nobody is enjoying Tebow’s run more than his former coach. “Isn’t it great?” said Urban Meyer. “He did it in high school, he did it in college and now he’s doing it in the NFL. [b][u]What more do you want?[/u][/b] The thing about Tim is he makes the people around him better. It’s the essence of football. [b][u]It doesn’t matter what style of offense you run. It’s a team sport.[/u][/b]” Meyer said he is amazed that there are still anti-Tebites out there. [b][u]“They just don’t want to buy in,”[/u][/b] he said. “Even John Elway. [b][u]It doesn’t matter if you brought him in if you’re Elway or the general manager. Who cares? Just enjoy it.”[/u][/b]

    Any guesses as to why he went out of his way to make sure THAT got into print ?

  2. Exactly, it’s saying things like that that ruin ESPN’s (specifically Mel Kiper’s) credibility. I could honestly picture him saying that for all the dumb things he’s said in the past.

    Good call on Kanye West, he’d probably add that to the remarks I projected.

    The point with Meyer is that I’m still annoyed in the way he ditched UF- LYING ABOUT IT. I’m also still infuriated at the fact that he allowed Addazio to run the program for a few months while he was on his little respite. So that’s where that comes from.

  3. He’s a great human doing something extraordinary. There will always be haters, and Timmy knows that.

  4. He didn’t lie. He was legally forbidden from revealing the details. One day, you guys will find yourselves legally bound to withhold information and someone will call you a liar and then you’ll see what it’s like.

    The reality is, Meyer did NOT lie. In fact, he told us exactly what was going to happen, piece by piece through small half tidbits and double entedres, starting all the way back in 2008.

    Just because some of us chose to ignore it and not read between the lines, it does not make him a liar.

    Those of us who grew up listening to music pre 90s are virtual experts in double entedres and innuendo.

  5. Once again Coach we hear you but we are choosing to dislike him anyway. If we didnt suck donkey balls Gator Nation would not be mad

  6. May I remind you that it’s that sort of thinking that has Gator Nation labeled as a bunch of jort and croc wearing, Krispy Kreme and fried dough devouring cromags ?

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