So now that it’s been a couple of days since Will Muschamp has debuted as the head coach of the Gators, and gotten a win under his belt, it’s time to lay down the rules for him. We as Gator fans are admittedly an extremely restless fan base, and there are expectations to be met or exceeded. Failure to meet them will result in the divorce between Muschamp and UF. Here are the rules for Coach Muschamp.
1) You are permitted one loss to Georgia every five years.
2) You may not lose to FSU at home, unless they are ranked in the top five. You must also take at least one out of every three games in Doak Campbell Stadium.
3) You are permitted one loss in the Swamp to unranked teams every three years.
4) You are permitted one loss at home for every ten ranked teams that invade the Swamp.
5) You are never, EVER permitted to lose to Vanderbilt or Kentucky.
6) You are permitted one season of 7 or fewer wins every four seasons.
7) You may never have a losing season.
8) You must ALWAYS cover the spread against Florida State and Georgia.
9) You are not permitted to lose back to back games to the same team unless that team is ranked in the top 5 in both cases.
10) You are allowed to be upset on the road once every twenty games.
11) If the Gators are upset, you must beat them emphatically (25 points or more) the next time you face them, and if they do the Gator Chomp to taunt us, you must beat them by 40. (I’m only half kidding about this one)
12) If you are upset over a call, do not hesitate to express your displeasure by unloading any and all profane expressions that you feel will describe your true feeling over it. Be careful not to let the ref hear you though. Just the fans.
13) The Gators must finish in the Top 25 every season.
14) The Gators must finish in the Top 10 once every three seasons at least.
15) The Gators must win the SEC East and play for the SEC Championship in at least one out of three seasons.
16) The Gators must win the SEC Championship at least every five years
17) You may never, ever lose to a team from the FCS. We are not the fucking Michigan Wolverines.
18) If a player behaves in anything other than the “Florida Way”, do not hesitate to punish him in whatever way you feel is appropriate.
19) Always be classy- until somebody aggravates you. Then run the score up on them without fail.
20) Remember these rules and you will be good to go!