Moronic Bammer Punk Jailed For Poisoning and Likely Killing Toomer’s Corner Oak Trees

The first football game I ever watched was Florida FSU 1996- the regular season game. You know, the one where Danny Wuerffel was hit many times after the echo of the whistle had faded? Yeah, that one. I was almost 3 years old, and I have been told that I suggested that Gator fans poison Renegade, the FSU horse after the game.

This was at a Thanksgiving party with all my Gators and Noles relatives there. For the most part, they laughed, and as I got older, I laughed too.

But there’s a big difference between a 2 year old and a 62 year old.

There’s a big difference between wanting to and doing.

I would have thought that a middle aged man would know better.

Apparently not. I’m the one that’s always wrong, right, “Al from Dadeville?”

Maybe I am wrong, but unfortunately for you, police in Alabama don’t think so.

I know, I know, they’re all stupid Auburn fans, Burners, idiots, jerks, wah, wah, wah.

You got what you deserved when you were thrown in jail for the offense of loading the soil of the trees with lethal amounts of a deadly herbicide. You, Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. from Dadeville, Alabama, thought you were cool by destroying one of their sacred traditions.

But dumbest of all, I don’t get WHY THE HELL YOU CALLED IN FINEBAUM’S SHOW AND BRAGGED ABOUT IT!!!

Don’t you realize that anybody can play back the radio show and listen to your admittance and trace you???

Why were you calling, anyway? Shouldn’t you have been ordering in a set of false teeth in that free time you had to call in? Oh, my bad, you’ve probably spent all your money on false teeth sets after walking into various Auburn bars and challenging Nick Fairley’s manhood. Brilliant idea. You Bammers are just full of them.

Speaking of brilliant ideas, why on earth would you give your real name and location???

Wait. I know. You just want to be jailed. So you can get autographs from all the Bammer players that have been arrested, right?

Did Steve Addazio tell you to do this? Because, honestly, it sounds like something he would do- short of actually poisoning the trees, of course, because he doesn’t have the sack to actually do it. I mean, if he doesn’t have the sack to throw once every dozen blue moons, he certainly won’t have the sack to poison trees.

This, on every level, is classless. Respect your opponents, for god’s sake. It’s just football. That’s why I get so pissed off- IT IS JUST FOOTBALL. I UNDERSTAND IT IS A BIG RIVALRY, BUT I DON’T CARE. Florida-Georgia is a pretty big rivalry, but I was extremely disappointed with Brandon Spikes when I found out he tried to poke Washaun Ealey in the eye.

And I was extremely disappointed when Wes Byrum did a mocking Gator Chomp, not just because Florida lost, but because it shows no respect. The South has a reputation for being polite.

But the careless, selfish and downright idiotic actions of just a few people can ruin it.

Sad, isn’t it?

4 thoughts on “Moronic Bammer Punk Jailed For Poisoning and Likely Killing Toomer’s Corner Oak Trees

  1. He named his kids Crimson & Bear….
    On another note, I guess we now know who to look for if the FSU horse mysteriously dies.

  2. Makes me sick! Taking it that far is just stupid, but he’ll probably be a home town hero in Alabama. They don’t have anything to do or think about besides college football. This guy has to be Dumbazzio first cousin!

  3. Makes me sick! Taking it that far is just stupid, but he’ll probably be a home town hero in Alabama. They don’t have anything to do or think about besides college football. This guy has to be Dumbazzio first cousin!

  4. You’re right, it is sick and Alabama fans will treat this guy like a king because that’s what inbred hillbilly’s do. Roll Turd!
    But I don’t think he’s Dumbazzio’s first cousin. More like his long lost brother that he never knew about.

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